Stephen Colbert Has a Backup Plan for Parents in the Pandemic

On Thursday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert broke down the good and bad reports about the epidemic. In the past week, covid infections have increased across the country as a highly contagious strain spreads and vaccination rates decline.

On the plus side, scientists agree that the vaccine is up to the challenge of treating developing variations. “You hear that, pandemic? We can take whatever new stuff you throw at us!” remarked Colbert. “Do you have any idea how many different flavours of Oreos we’ve endured?”

Stephen Colbert Has a Backup Plan for Parents in the Pandemic

Covid disinformation, especially on social media, “spreads even quicker than Covid variants,” he said. In response, Facebook has began tracking and eliminating groups that give incorrect or sensationalised information regarding vaccines.

But they’ve met into complications as anti-vax groups have changed their titles to euphemisms like “dance party” in attempt to evade detection. “So get ready for new dance crazes like “actual Saturday Night Fever, the Harlem Ache and The Floss of Taste and Smell,” Colbert said.

Vaccinated has been coded as “danced” and “drank beer” by anti-vaxxers, whereas Pfizer is “pizza” and Moderna is “Moana” in anti-vaxxer posts. Colbert suggested that people not use “codewords that are things that everybody universally likes,” such as “dancing,” “beer,” “pizza,” or “Moana,” to describe something they believe is killing everyone.

“Of course, the pandemic has aggravated our pre-existing condition of incredibly rich people,” he continued, citing a Bloomberg article on super-yacht charters, which are up over 340%.

It’s absolutely repulsive. At a time of severe need, the ultra-rich shouldn’t be blowing their money on yachts. Colbert remarked, “That’s money that might be used to launch huge penises into space,” in reference to Jeff Bezos’ phallic-shaped rocket, which flew to orbit earlier this week.

Stephen Colbert

“There’s a lot going on in the globe right now, and it’s easy to look around at the condition of things and get a bit apocalyptic vibe,” said Seth Meyers on Late Night.

“Covid cases have nearly tripled in two weeks thanks to a highly contagious new variant, billionaires are jetting off to space as US life expectancy saw its biggest drop since world war two, and thanks to intense wildfires on the west coast, smoke blanketed parts of the country as far east as New York.

He reflected, “Inhaling New York City air on a good day is like lighting up a Marlboro Red in a railroad cattle car.” Do you have any idea how horrible the air quality in New York has to be for you to even notice it? Imagine finding a ketchup spill on your red couch and not noticing it.

To that end, Meyers remarked, “Americans now list climate change as their second-highest priority, probably due in part to the post-apocalyptic visuals of huge animal extinctions, lethal heatwaves, flooded subway stations in New York City, smoke blanketing the sky and turning the sun blood-red.”

But if it is a cause for concern, I have some excellent news! Jesse Watters, host of a show on Fox News, says, “Just live with it.”

This week, Watters advised his audience, “If you want to stop climate change, you don’t fight climate change. Adaptation is necessary if the temperature is rising.

“Yeah, just adapt to it!” Meyers deadpanned. When you can Uber a dolphin, who needs a cab? Of course, the problem with Uber dolphins is they can’t take a hint when you don’t want to talk.”