Stephen Colbert Spoils Stephanie Grisham’s Tell-All Tidbits

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On Tuesday night, Stephen Colbert bemoaned having to bring up Donald Trump once more.

Stephen Colbert Spoils Stephanie Grisham’s Tell-All Tidbits

Scrooge McSchmuck “forces me to talk about our former president, Scrooge McSchmuck,” Colbert remarked, despite his best efforts.

This week’s theme was Stephanie Grisham’s new tell-all about her time working in the Trump White House, and Colbert stated he wanted to reveal all the juicy sections so as not to give her a spike in sales.

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Stephen Colbert Spoils Stephanie Grisham’s Tell-All Tidbits

It is clear that Stephen Colbert spoiled the greatest sections of Stephanie Grisham’s new tell-all book on Tuesday night, as he clearly does not want anyone to buy it.

After much hesitating, the Late Show host finally said, “Sometimes the news pushes me to talk about our prior president, Scrooge McSchmuck.” This was after he had previously stated his desire to avoid discussing the Trump administration.

As he was preparing to read the latest tell-all from “White House press secretary and Morticia Addams’ divorced sister, Stephanie Grisham,” Colbert was, of course, referring to former President Donald Trump.

“I’ll be very honest with you: if you’re looking for a location to push paper at midnight, go no further than this concert. A lot of books are sold to guests,” Colbert boasted. But I have no interest in promoting her book or encouraging its sales in any way.

The host continued by saying that Grisham was the White House press secretary for four years under Trump but was notorious for never holding a press conference.

But now, in her new book, I Just Recently Grew a Spine, Colbert joked, “she’s spilling all the tea.”

The time when she refused to answer any questions inspired the title of the book, “I’ll Take Your Questions Now.”

Colbert decided he was “going to disclose all the juicy aspects of I’ll Take Your Money Now” because he couldn’t bring himself to sell a single book about the time Grisham “told us nothing.”

The host then summarised the most outrageous parts of Grisham’s book, offering his snarkiest responses to her long-overdue revelations.

Colbert said, “Grisham paints a vivid picture of the government in the book, comparing it to “a clown car on fire going at full speed into a warehouse full of pyrotechnics.” To paraphrase Fox News: “a heroic band of flaming harlequins plunging patriotically into the explosive jaws of peril.”

Grisham’s severe critique did not sway Colbert; he said, “Yeah, just a reminder: she knew all about the fiery clown car and she still called shotgun for four years.”

He continued reading a section of the essay that used a variety of metaphors to portray the disorder within the Trump administration.

As he read on, he imagined what it would be like to live in a house that was constantly on fire, in a crazy asylum where you couldn’t identify the patients from the attendants, or on a roller coaster that never stopped.

Then, Colbert gave it his all and offered up some analogies of his own to describe Trump’s presidency:

To work in his administration, he said, “Hey, ooh, let me try: it’s like sliding down a 50-foot razor blade into a tub of gin while blindfolded.” It’s like being guided through a minefield by a baby who’s trying to change his own diaper. Over the edge and into a pit full with other manure trucks.

Scuba diving in the deep water while being harassed by sharks who won’t stop bragging about it.

Colbert has also ruined other potential newsworthy events, such as when Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump allegedly cut youngsters in line at the White House Easter Egg Roll to get a photo with their own father and when Trump donned Grisham’s makeup during a speech in Saudi Arabia.


In addition, Colbert disclosed that Trump Jr. attempted to invite his girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle to a state dinner with Queen Elizabeth, remarking that she is “exactly who you want talking with the Queen.”

Colbert said, “Oh dear, Don Jr., you seem to have dropped your tiny baggie of sugar,” picturing Trump Jr.’s awkward encounter with the Queen. Let’s throw a pinch in my tea and see what happens… WOOOO!! The vivacious LIZZIE!